Evil Nicholas the killer
by christmaslover666
Summary: Two young brothers must work together to defeat an evil saint Nicholas before he kidnaps the children. If they can't stop him before Christmas eve, then all the children will suffer a fate worse than death. Sweatshops...


Evil NicholasThe Killer

Chapter 1: Polishing your Knob

It was June (I think? My brain doesn't work too good after the incident last summer, so I might be forgetting some things) it was around 9-ish and it was pouring hard. I was in my bedroom with my brother, Markus getting ready for bed. My mother, Cynthia Boulevard who my friends keep calling delicious or something was tucking both me and my brother in when she said the usual goodnight message, "Now remember Daniel, Markus, neither of you were an accident and mommy loves you both equally. So get a good night's rest and maybe neither of you will grow up to be an artist in the future." I didn't really understand what that meant but I assumed it was something nice so I just nodded.

She then turned off the lights and left the room, an immediate Mark began playing with his DS under his bedsheets sheets. "Mark! You're supposed to be sleeping! Your gonna get yelled at again!" I said nervously. "Shut up you walking abortion! It's because of you I have to catch a new scyther!" last year at the Bahamas while staying at a resort I stole my brothers Ds to play Pokemon and I accidentally left it under the bed when we left. He hasn't forgiven me since.

"Seriously, stop mark! If you keep this up, Evil Nicholas will get you!" I said with a meek voice, side note, some of my friends think my voice is too girly, this makes me feel warm inside for some reason.

"Evil Nicholas? The fuck is that?" said Mark.

"Evil Nicholas, he's a man with devil horns and rattling chains who goes around kidnapping naughty children, he puts them in his sack and tortures them in his gingerbread house!"

"That sounds like a shitty Christmas creepypasta and a rip off of Krampus! Who hell told you that retarded story, Jeffery?" Jeffery is a college student who I sometimes hang out with, he really enjoys cartoons and writing stories, he spends most of his days reading and watching anime. His dream is to one day publish one of his stories. "That fat neckbeard virgin is telling you retarded stories again, why do you keep hanging with him? You know he faps to loli shit all day right?" Mark continued as he played with his Ds. "I swear to God your gonna get molested one of these days. Hanging around with weirdo's like him" I don't know what molested means but I don't like his attitude when he says it, what's wrong with a 5th grader hanging out with college students?

But before I could argue any further, it happened. Suddenly the wind started howling, the windows rattled, the lighting roared through the night sky and the rain poured down like thunder, I wet the bed almost immediately (again) from all of this but Mark just shrugged it off. "Probably nothing." then the window burst open, glass got everywhere and the rain entered the room, it was definitely "not nothing." (on the bright side it made it easier to hide my accident. Then a dark figure began to enter the room, he was tall with horns protruding out to the back of his head, he had hoofed hands but flippers for feet for some reason? But most of all, he had a really large penis. Like this was large, really really large.

large might not be the best way to describe it, it was more like, I dunno, lengthy? It was like a firehose filling up a water balloon, definitely not sausage length, or noodle length. It was so long that it hit the floor and dragged the end part of it whenever he started walking around. It was kinda girthy too, like not that thick but pretty thick, thicker than my arms, it kinda looked like an arm too, I dunno, it was also bent at an angle and pointing at my direction so I felt kinda intimidated by it. I kinda wanted to measure but I didn't want to be rude.

"Danny! The fuck are you doing!" suddenly my mind snapped to focus on Mark's bed, I just realized the dark figure had picked Mark up and was carrying him away to the window!

"Danny! For God's sake! Hit him with the Matilda! Fucking get Matilda Danny!" I look to my right and see my brother's old wooden baseball bat, Matilda just sitting in the corner of the room. My brother actually used to play baseball quite a lot in the past and he was quite good, in fact, everyone in the class always talked about him becoming a pro in the future. But that all changed one day when he was kicked out of the team and practically banned from playing the sport.

See what happened was that a kid named Ozzie who goes to my school, John J. elementary, named after its founder John J. Johnson, famous for his involvement in a civil rights movement in the past, I think he worked with a guy named crow, Jimmy crow or something? Anyway, this kid named Ozzie was picking on me and my friends, beating us up and calling us gay or faggots or something and taking pictures of our penises. Anyway, one day he was taking pictures of us in the bathroom when Mark walked in, see it was Thursday and my brother always has baseball practice at Thursdays, but he always makes sure to give Matilda a good polishing before practice. So Mark came in and he saw Ozzie, then he looked at me, then at my friends, then back to Ozzie, then back to me. Then he said "Yeaaahh… I expected something like this." he then walked towards me and said, "Look, I won't tell the teachers or mom and dad, just give me like, half of your cut and I'll walk away like nothing happened."

"Who the hell are you!" Screamed Ozzie, tucking his phone away and puffing out his chest, he sorta reminded me of the Marshmellow from the Ghostbusters, but more chocolatey.

"Look, I don't care what you do behind closed doors, I just came to wash off Matilda is all," said Mark.

"Oh yeah!" then suddenly, Ozzie leaned back and hurled a large yellow loogie at Matilda, "Looks like you missed a spo-"

Just before he finished that sentence, my brother then buried the knob of Matilda right at the center of Ozzie's face, his body came crashing down as Mark continued to bury the knob of the handle deep and deeper. He then started bashing Ozzie's face with the knob over and over again as though they were a hammer and nail. If the teachers hadn't bursted in from all the noise we were making Markus would have Smash Ozzie's face in with one mighty swing of the barrel. Mark got in trouble, like, a lot of trouble. He would have been expelled or even sent to jail but for some reason, the school and Ozzie's parents dropped the charges when they found all those photos on his phone of me and my friend's penis's, so Ozzie was expelled and Mark was suspended for a week. Unfortunately, they thought Mark had bipolar disorders or something and they decided that it was better if he didn't have access to a bat for a while. So he was forced to quit baseball and given pills to help calm him down, though he just gives them to our cat, and that's why our cat Spike always look drowsy. The only reason we still have Matilda in our room is that he begged (threatened) me to take it, so its mine now, though every time I try to touch it I could feel his deathly glare piercing through the back of my head.

My brother says he doesn't care that he got in trouble and that he can just play video games whenever he wants now but I don't know. Sometimes I see him staring at Matilda for a hours, and he looks like a ghost, maybe he-

"Danny you retarded monkey! What are you doing?! Why are you just standing there?!" Again, my attention again refocused, this time towards the broken window. The hooded figure was now leaving the room with Mark on inside a large sack. Oops, I guess I was thinking too hard again. I quickly got off my bed and with the deepest voice I could muster looked at the dark man said: "Hey, let him go!... please?" the man quickly snapped to my attention, swirling around so fast that his large penis ended up slapping me across the face. "Boogie!" I then fell down to the ground, knocked out cold. The last sounds I heard from Mark that night was more screaming and profanity thrown at me as that dark figure disappeared into the night.

A few minutes later I woke and immediately looked out the window, "Markus got kidnapped!" I thought to myself. I knew I had to do something, my rattling my brain for ideas, the stress started to build, so I did the only rational anyone would do in this situation.

"Mom! Dad! Markus got kidnapped!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"What?!" replied my dad, Brian B. Boulevard. "Danny tell Markus to stop making all those noises! You have school tomorrow!"

"But dad! This guy kidnapped Markus! He was tall and dark and his penis really really long! Or thick, I dunno!?"

"WHAT!?" screamed my dad. Danny, what are you talking about, is this like what happened with that Ozzie kid?

"No bu-"

"That's enough! Go to bed Daniel!" screamed my dad, almost causing another accident in my bed. I then decided to deal with this in the morning.


End file.
